F U diabetes

15 weeks.  15 weeks ago today we were sitting at Avera McKennan Hospital in Sioux Falls waiting to be discharged to come home and resume our lives.

I was anxious and terrified.  Three days prior my son was diaganosed with Type 1 Diabetes, an auto-immune disease.  Two days spent at the hospital in Sioux Falls with information shoved down our throats and functioning on 4-5 hours of sleep each night and now you want to send me home with $500 of supplies to keep my kid alive?

Terrified.

15 weeks has felt like 5 years.  Diabetes is no joke.  Those fucking commercials on TV about "take this pill to help you with your diabetes" are a fucking joke.  They anger me.  Type 1 diabetes and Type 2 diabetes are so totally different that I hate it when someone tries to compare the two.  I had gestational diabetes with both my pregnancies and the only information that is relativity the same for T1 is watching your carbohydrate intake.  THAT'S IT.

I have to prick my 5 year old sons finger at least six times a day.  I have to change out his Continuous Glucose Montior (CGM) one a week.  This is a device that is inserted into this stomach via a needle, and checks his sugar level in the tissue below the skin.  While the sugar level in the blood and the sugar level in the tissue are not always the same, it gives you a pretty good idea as to where the level is at without having a do a finger poke.  I give my son 4 shots a day.  You should see his stomach and his fingertips.

I've spent hours upon hours reading up on how to keep sugars low.  I've read and researched the benefits of proteins and carbohydrates and have written out a list of good vs bad foods along with the carb counts.  I've typed up a generic letter for the grandparents so when they are with Trey, they know what to do and what to look for.  We've been in contact with his doctor regarding ketones in his urine.  We have had several phone calls with his diabetes educator, Jenny, about changing his carb ratios per meal so we know how much insulin to give him.

A mother's job is to protect her children from harm.  You hate it when your child gets the flu and you wish it was you puking your guts out instead of your poor, helpless, child.  Stab him/her in the stomach four times a day.  Squeeze blood from his/her finger six times a day.  Watch the CGM go from 120 to over 300 in a matter of 30 minutes because you fed your child lunch.  Tell your five year old kid "no, you can't have more Mac-n-cheese because you have had enough carbs" and see the tears form in their eyes.

Fuck you diabetes.  FUCK YOU.  You've taken my precious, innocent little boy and you've turned him into a SICK child who relies on needles to save his life.  

You've sucked my bank account dry because of the two types of insulin, needles, test strips, ketone strips, alcohol wipes, glucagon and CGM that he requires to keep him alive every single day.  You've put him at risk for other auto-immune diseases such as Celiac Disease.  As if him not beating able to indulge in a package of Skittles ins't hard enough, you can take away his desire to ever have a slice of fucking bread too?!  What else do you want?

There is no doubt that my son has handled this much better than I have. "He will never know life without it" ... Shut up.  "At least he is young."  Are you kidding?  He probably can't have the birthday treats at school, birthday cake at his best friends b-day party, the juice/punch at the party and let's not even talk about what alcohol can do to him when he starts trying that out.  "He can grow out of it, right?" Get a clue.

What DOES make me happy is that there are finally people willing to spend some money to support the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF) and we are well on our way to finding a CURE for diabetes.  They have done some clinical trials for the artificial pancreas and are now starting trials on inserting clean beta insulin producing cells back into the diabetic person.  So much hope.

I've realized the last 15 weeks so many things.  1) I have one hell of an amazing son who is so much stronger than he knows 2) I did not miss sleepless nights 3) Diabetes doesn't make any sense.  What happens today isn't what happens tomorrow 4) There isn't enough money in the world 5) Medical insurance is worth every penny 6) My math skills still suck 7) People are very uneducated about Type 1 diabetes 8) A juice box can save my kids life when his sugar is too low 9) I, in fact, can stick my son with a needle 10) I fucking HATE diabetes