Oh. My. God. What Happened?

Are you ready for this??? I've prepped a few of you for this post.  This week has been up and down and yesterday I seriously wondered for the first time ˆwhy did you think this was your dream job?ˆ n

The today happened ....

Had a mother tell me I could contact her former daycare if I had questions on how to handle her kid(s) when she dropped it(them) off.  I've had some minor issues with this family already so it wasn't what I wanted to hear at 7:35am.  I sent her an email telling her if she wanted to pull her kids, pull them.  NO hard feelings here but if she wanted them to stay, she better realize this is a new daycare with new rules and new people ... Not their same old routine.

Miss E was not feeling too hot and nothing I did could calm her down.  Cried - all day.

Had a drop-in today who was very polite and quiet.  He can come back anytime.

Had another drop-in and my own child show up at lunch.  Funny how two extra kids (who are great kids!) just adds a little extra work to the day.  Had all the kids asleep by 1pm and feeling pretty damn good about myself.  I was about ready to bust out my SuperWoman cape when all hell broke loose.

It goes like this ..

Miss E - awake from nap and pissed off at the world.  Screaming, throwing herself around like a bull tosses a bull rider off his back.

Everyone awake now!  Good work E!

Haul E to the bedroom to change diaper.  After wrestling this beast still, placed her on the floor where she whips herself backwards and bonks her head on the floor.

Grab Miss K who is all smiles (woah! Really? Miss K smiling?!) from the pack-n-play and proceed to change her diaper.

"NATAWEE!!!!  NATAWEE!!!!" I hear.  "Yeah 'Twister'! Just a minute.  I'm changing babies's diapers." I reply.  "NATAWEEEEEEEEE" she hollers again and I turn to see her standing in the doorway of the bedroom ....
With no pants on
Only a diaper
That's dripping with feces
Down her legs
Onto my floor
As Miss E is still screaming
And Miss K is laying without a diaper on
"OH MY GOD! GO BACK TO THE BATHROOM AND I'LL BE RIGHT THERE." I say to Twister.  She turns to walk away and more feces runs down her legs and I say, "Twister ... Just stop there." And then I realize I have a 14 month old laying on a dresser with no diaper as I stare at Twister wondering WTF I'm going to do.
Miss K is now running around with no pants on.
Miss E is still screaming.
Miss G is whining "Can we paint now?"
Twister is in the bathroom standing there with feces running down her legs, onto my rugs.
Then I look at the lovely trail she left me ... Bathroom to bedroom back to bathroom which goes right through my 'living room'.

I carefully remove the diaper and prop Twister up on the toilet and tell her to stay there until I come back.  I then grab two towels and cover up the trial of feces as Miss E and Miss K are trying to follow me around.  I holler up the steps to Trey to bring his two friends down and help me.  He sits at the top of the steps and says, "I puked mom."

WHAT?

"I did. I puked. I took care of myself though mom.  I can't come down there."

Why did you puke Trey?

" I saw Hailey had poop running down her legs and I ran up the steps and puked in the toilet.  Next time you need to take care of me." He says.

I want to bawl my eyes out right now.  I say, "I am so sorry Trey but I need you and Kenlely to come down here and help me.  Babies are going to get in poop and I need to get Twister cleaned up.  Please help me."  They make their way down the steps and Miss G says, "K is dumping out your pop!"

I turn to see Miss K with my can of Diet Coke turned upside down, pouring it smack dab in the middle of my living room.

WHAT IN THE HELL IS HAPPENING HERE?????

I toss G a towel to cover the soda mess, I holler into Twister that I'll be right there and to stay on the potty, I grab my phone and tell Twister's mom that her 8 capfuls of Miralax has worked ... Yay ... And then I toss babies into their high chairs and throw them a cracker and tell Kenley "Just be sure they don't climb out. I have to go up and give Twister a bath."

In the bathroom, finally, Twister says, "I got it all in the toilet!" As she had wiped feces all over her hands up to her elbows and all over the cabinet and toilet. I quickly clean her hands, say loudly "E!!!! YOU ARE OK!!!! NO MORE CRYING!!" As I wrap a towel around Twister and haul her upstairs and tell her "don't touch anything".  I then turn and holler down the steps "No one come up here.  Stay down there.  I'll be back.  Trey, you're in charge!"

I havent' mentioned my phone is blowing up right now of course.  Like I can answer anyone at this fricking time.

As Twister is in the bath I catch up on 15 missed messages.  Twister's dad is coming.  Good deal.  I can't have another one of these issues and NO MORE MIRALAX TODAY!

Downstairs, screaming babies, flustered Kenley, green faced Trey I get Twister dressed and she says, "I pooped on the floor!" You don't say!

I grab my enviro cloth and bleach spray and start working on the spots all over.  Twister's dad's here and I hand him the bag of clothes and her cups with Miralax and he says, "I'm not taking her.  Just making sure everyone is ok here.  Melissa made it sound like someone died here."  Close ... So very damn close, but no cigar.

NOTE: Parents, never show up in the middle of daycare and then leave and think us providers dont want to kick your ass because now your kid is screaming his/her head off in addition to the fucking chaos that just happened.  If you show up, you best plan on leaving with SOMEONE'S kid.

"Can we paint now??" I'm asked.  ˆYou little bitch if you ask me one more time I'm going to throw paint in your faceˆ

I continue to scrub spots, gather rugs and towels and blankets that have shit on them, listening to E scream this entire time too.  Sweet Kenley says "Do you have Norwex?" And of course I smile at her and say, "I sure do!  I need the carpet spray, can you get it for me?"  I love that kid.  I need to keep her.

It was one hell of a 30 minutes .... I'm not sure how I didn't kill someone or end up in tears, but I did it.  I handled a pissy mom, a baby who was clearly not feeling well, a bored 4 year old, 2 extra kids, shit splattered all over my bathroom/living room/child, Diet Coke all over, a puking child with low blood sugars, and just so you know, by God we even got the painting project done with only minor issues.

My dream job ...it's not glorious and it's not always fun but after everyone left today I thought to myself, "I did it ... All with as much grace as I could .... And it's a day I'll never forget but hope to never repeat. I need a jag bomb."